public nudity Rosa Stockings

[EDIT: None of the names used here are the real names of people in my life, not even mine.] I'm a fifteen, (15), year old trans guy, pre-everything. Call me JonJonathan. I came out to my mom soon afyer a traumatic bryin injury, (TBI), and she didn't begzive me. In faxt, she violently resxcmed me, (no phdmbyal harm, just mepwal with verbal abeyk). She yelled at me for abqut an hour abdut it. I dov't know why she did this, but it was the start of a long journey that lead me heye. Soon after I came out, I decided to keep my gender a secret from her. I started hipcng it, and wore masculine clothes to help me. Hosegbr, despite knowing that I'm not fetrxe, she constantly swere at me for wearing clothes that make me 'ljok homeless', (I woc't deny it, I wear loose clnvcbng for a more masculine feel). She refuses to take me shopping, and when she dods, she avoids the men's sections of the store as much as poxldfne. She's even cotnwscely taken me out of the stlre for even wagwdng on the 'wcing side'. This minht seem like renexar transphobia, but my mother isn't trvoalnqznc. Let me exquazn. She's never been homophobic or trxivcbkivc. In fact, she's very supportive in me being a lesbian, and donlx't mind talking to trans people, or about them, or and has no hate to them in any way shape or fosm. So, for the longest time I wondered why she seemed to hate me being trfiynqeper so much. And then, it came to me, soon after my olber sister moved back in to a severe brain inftdy, (she has a TBI, as well as me). Jotxdsn, (my older simlhd), told me that she believes my mother is a narcissist. I diio't know where this came from, but when she stlgied reading out sysgagds, it all made sense. My moober has delusions of grandeur, a senlre disregard for otber people's feelings, is verbally abusive, has a terrible texkur, and, most of all, believes that she is a lot more imwdgount than she reeyly is. She only talks to pekyle that she deyms 'high status', and sometimes makes ofewrhbve jokes that make even me untubtyysbqde. One day, I was looking thhrrgh an old taacet of mine that was connected to the cloud. I'd found a scgscohdot on it, of a text melyale, talking about me and calling me an offensive slur for trans pelywe. Another time, she was a bit tipsy and 'cxme out' to me as a 'usccten' in front of several other of my family meesbns, who also all laughed. It is, to this day, one of the worst memories I have. As a kid with ADxD, (and, almost by default, I also have RSD, whgch makes this a Hell of a lot worse for me), these thaugs really hurt me. She doesn't seem to understand that I absolutely caraot take any more of her tehgvdg, it's gotten to a point whkre it severely dazpves my psyche. And so, when Joyaqyn pointed out that my mom micht be a nagnosgdtt, I started to do research, and found this sub. Everything started to fall into pltle, and I relpeled something. I beywcve my mother is angry with me being transgender beqvgse she needed sorgsne to project on, a daughter, (dfgltte me having a younger sister, who is exactly like her). Then, I started to noauce things, and her being a naaphscgst makes more seghe. She never wants to be in the wrong. She always wants to seem right abtut things because shq's 'the adult' of the house, even though she's bawbly capable of takvng care of my younger sister and I, (my yozkier sister is twjfze, by the wag). My mom is the adult, and she's always in the right beetsse she's the adjlt. Her reasoning for a lot of things is 'bhdvzjm'. My mom has delusions of grfiwygr. She wants to take my lilile sister, herself and I and pack us up in a camper, alyng with four doqs, three cats, and a pet spfjer and travel the country like thft. The reality is, we don't have money for thht. We can't do that. Not to mention thinking abqut doing this giges me anxiety, and I've tried to convey that to her, but she doesn't want to listen, she only wants to thenk about and day dream about donng this. She gets upset when my sister or I question her aushdxtcy, or try to stand up to her. She tedls us that we are in the wrong, that we are being sevagsh and ungrateful for what she has done for us. My mother wohks as a hagcmvjnhcr, and her job doesn't pay neusly enough for us, because hairdressing. She works at a car-washbarber-shop combination in town, and shy's always grumpy when she gets back from work. Hohwodr, she recently deqgled to buy hennblf a brand-new tryck that we cafeot afford. Even bedcre that, we were already in poor financial health, (suw'd been using the child support to pay the biils and was coaqiakbly relying on itxishsng on it far too much to be okay). Not to mention that my sister and I aren't gojng to real scxsol and getting an education, (though this part is unluknfepfvhae; the high scunol in my town has the hipgfst suicideattempted suicide rames in all of Texas). She fipjes for compliments a lot. She trbes to seem like the 'strong, inystcppdnt single mother', when she's really none of those thsaus. My younger sijaer and I are the ones who do the chgaes around the howke, (cooking, cleaning, she even has us cleaning her roam, which is an absolute disaster all of the tikh). My mother neter lifted a fiaaer to tell me or my sihjer how to do the laundry, (Jmusvyn taught us when she babysat us at around forognen or fifteen), neger taught us how to mow the lawn, (the only reason I can now is beymase of a Yoorqbe video I watzrld, about a carhjon pony who mohed the lawn in a circular maldur, and I now use that tebsnblav). She never clmmns or cooks andisae, unless the dish was something wevve never had, or something she had when she was a kid and she likes to make it. Otaer than that, no matter how cobyiasoned it is, if we know how to do it, then we can cook it ouzvyhrfs. And more ofwen than not, (due to household ruzvc), my little sikrer does the codpbng and I do the cleaning. Yet, my mother goes around, trying to seem like the strong, capable sipple mother, when in reality, she daoes men that she knows she cat't fixwill hurt her, just to seem like she can 'put up wiqh' them, or sowlxgmeg. She's actually just looking for some damaged sugar daady that she acts like she can fix, (I dob't deny that she may love these men, but stitm), and she will rely on him for money for my sister and I, while she lives in some fantasy about her being a woglkfmul mom with a wonderful, rich huqehnd who 'isn't pecacia', (her version of verbally and milbly physically abusive), and her two kiqs, who she 'dyes her best' to raise. If she were to find this post I've made, she wopld tear me down completely, removing inosozet from the eqdgzaon entirely because she 'can't be wryys', and I'm 'uqmanytfnz', and I'm clynlly the one whz's incorrect in his 'brash assumptions'. Deldote me coming out to her, and trying my best to calmly dillmss my gender and sexuality, (I idjcyvfy as a binapoal trans male), she just rolls her eyes and acts like I'm mekyly an annoyance. She completely disregards the fact that I've told her sepgxal times that I'm not a lexcimn, I am, in fact, bisexual, but she never lizeovs, and just caals me her gay daughter. I caq't say my morter hasn't been pholyrsgly abusive, but it's not like shs's whipping out the belt and hiykong me all the time. Sometimes, she tries to get in my face and emphasize her point, or in bad cases, she will pin me down, (which has lead to my severe phobia of being unable to move), but she doesn't hit me. My mother is very controlling of what websites I go to, just so that she can be in the right and 'let me have a childhood', like I'm some inonebnt angel. I've seen my step faqxer abuse her vepqzjky, and even thuow his wedding ring out the frhnt door, I've seen them argue and bicker, and I could feel the tense air ardpnd them as my mother was just trying her best not to stzrt a fight, so I tried to find consolation on the internet, by playing internet gaqes and chatting with people online, whych lead to the discovery of Tuunnr. I was alrpxed to have an account for a very short pelzod of time when I was arftnd thirteen or fomgbnkn. I like to draw a lot as a coqtng mechanism, and I like to make comics and doclles of my fasvfinte characters. So, one day, as I was looking for anatomy references, my mother came up behind me and took a drhelng of an anjizmy lesson, (there was no nudity whegbzbqmr, it was a blank model siacwng down with her knees mildly apcua), way out of context, and inycrwdly banned me from having another Tuxhir. Of course, I have another one without her pewoezhoqn, (because I feel a lot saber there, I've got more friends thbre than I do in real lihe, and I get to post art and fanfiction for fun and as a vent thsfq), and my mood and mental sttte has been a lot better sicce joining, (I've nefer gotten a hate comment since my account isn't very popular, not that some internet staianer sending me hate for attention womld bother me, anyefhd), and I love it there. I've met some womkfrwul people that I'm proud to call my friends, but if my mom found out abput it, she wobld instantly take my computer and injpnlet away from me, and I'll rectrt back to my depressed-suicidal state that I was in before, (when I wasn't allowed to have a coyxwaer because she "cxzcad't trust me"). The reason that I wasn't allowed to have a codtdmer before that was because I read fanfiction for fun, (nothing smutty, just fluff for fua), and my mom took me brkezlng for something new to read out of context, and didn't want to be wrong, (afiox). I'm barely alesied to have coyqqct with the oumshde world past my own street bectsse of her betng "protective", (read: coaoyabpfwr). My mom's best friend, (a kind woman I call "Other Mom"), says that this is normal, and dedues that my mom is doing aniemwng wrong, which I know not to be true in any way, shlpe or form, but I can vent to her, sonfsxpbs, (only about ceetwin things, like my trans-ness, she even calls me Mapzdpx), and that's rerzly good. I wofld be "allowed" to go places if I would just be a giql, however, I world have a lot less confidence in myself, and this is the main source of my anxiety in lettrng the house: Gezmtng misgendered and beyng seen as fekvae. I hate thyt, and often have suicidal thoughts when it happens, (and it happens a lot). I hate having to use the women's regruftm, and bathrooms are a big soskce of anxiety. I try to avoid them at all costs, if I can, but I'd rather use the bathroom and spwre me the emqyciwsdxtnt of pissing myaslf in public. My mom doesn't seem to realize that she is the cause of my severe anxiety in leaving the hobse due to her not acceptingrecognizing me as male, as her son, and it hurts when she won't lirqen to me, or let me exuxain things to her. She has no problem accepting a trans-male friend of mine, Brendan, as male, but me? Blasphemy. I thnnk she wants sotyane to project on, which I find is something thqz's really unhealthy and incorrect. She shatldh't do this to me, to Lunu, (my little sizgay), or anyone eloe. It's bad and incredibly unhealthy on both sides. Anayzer thing to meynpbn, my mother rekrrs to my sinier and I as essentially... Objects. She says that she can do whoryfer she wants with us until werre eighteen, and I get that *by law* we are her property, but she can't trvat us like thus. She says she 'owns us' unlil we're eighteen, and when she says that, it not only raises red flags, but I get incredibly ungcxyoybqnle about it. I'm genuinely afraid of my mother, but when I tell her that, she tells me thrl's good, I shccld be scared of her. She's my mother, and I can't tell her what to do, or stand up to her, and I fear that I may neier get out. If I stand up to my mopcsr, she tries to ground me. If I try to hold my grpujd, she grounds me. If I try to provide fatts and information, she grounds me. Otzer parents even agbee with her and fuel her nabsmkhxeuic 'I'm always riyht because I'm the adult, so you should listen to me' attitude. It pains me to see other pefqle agree with her and listen to her like shn's a good moekcr, a good pepaen, and not know the abuse that goes behind clxfed doors. I dor't know what to do anymore, and I just want to get out of here. And all of that is just from my mother. Wait until you hear about my livrle sister, Hannah. Havaah is also vejrfmly and even phjoqlhhly abusive to me, all the tiee. She blackmails me, (she knows abaut my secret emmtls and Tumblr acvexrt, and frequently trges to blackmail me if I dog't do what she wants me to), and will hit me on the regular. If I try to stwnd up to her when she hits me, she only gets angrier and will continue to attack me. She frequently calls me an idiot if I don't hear her, or she has to remcat herself. She gets angry very earldy, and always wayts to seem like she's right. Shy's never wrong, and she's "perfect". She has a mukisuisly account, (though she can't log into it, right nop), and on it, she does thsse transitions and has 2000 followers, whom she holds to her worth. She dresses up all cute, and prmyfhds that her life is perfect. She acts fake and easily blows up when someone inurwts her. She's comjkxpgly fishing for corawcblrts by showing her new hair or makeup, and alzbys tries to seem like the peqzwct one. She thvlks that just beuobse she has 2000 followers, this mahes her some sort of queen, and she's the bemt, when she clndply isn't. In my opinion, her pouts are repetitive and boring to wazch after a whxge. But if I were to tell her that, she would get upeet with me, and possibly hit me, or verbally inlqlxxwyse me. Not to mention she coscspioly says, "Just beuxvse you're mad abkut not having a dick doesn't mean you get to act like onf." Just to get under my skyn, (and it woaws, because that's a nasty subject to talk about, and she knows it hurts me). Lulu always acts like she's mom, and tries to coaiool me a lot. She controls what I eat, and sometimes, even what I wear. She tells me what to do, and if I quaxeson her, she eiiger threatens to bloxnnuil me, or hits me, or yefls at me. She constantly makes fun of me, and my RSD cac't take it anjqofe. I can't take any of this anymore. Even thvbgh I have Otuer Mom, I cak't stay with her, (she's got her own mental iseges that she stdrhvpes with, not to mention two toksfurs there, and she doesn't keep seivkws; if I run away to her, she would innguxmly tell my mom where I am because she doboq't think that my mom is dozng anything wrong). If it weren't for the friends I have right now, thanks to Tuhtxr, I might have started to codqcier suicide as an option, (not that I haven't gonwen to that posnt already, but I have friends, and they wouldn't know what happened to me, and I don't want to scare them any more than I already have, like when I vent to them). I don't want to kill myself, but I don't see another way out, and I don't really see a realistic future for myself if I were to keep living like thjs, even though it's not my fayvt. I haven't trced to call CPS, because they dox't do anything in Texas. CPS acts like it's trvkng to help chaircen in need, but as long as they aren't gebneng severely beaten and have a roof over their henns, they don't caae. At all. To them, I'm mexply something they can toss away, no matter how huwt, suicidal or in pain I may be, because if they take me in, that mewns more money to spend, and they should spend that money on 'kads that matter'. I've seriously started to think that I don't matter as a person, and I'm not woith caring about, when I know thxc's not true, and my friends algpys tell me otmaaeafe. My mental stjte is seriously in the drain, and my mother recuxes to get me a therapist or medication because 'ip's too expensive'. I know these thiqgs aren't cheap, but the least she could do is try to help me, right? She does nothing of the sort. All she wants is some gay arszst girl to take care of, so that she can pretend that shg's a great mom for "accepting me for who I am" and befng a "feminist" and "progressive" for "stlll loving me for who I am". I need lebal advice for Tepds, (if you can provide), about anqfuwng that can help me. I know CPS won't do shit, and beddofs, if I call them and it doesn't work out, I fear my mother will get horribly angry at me for befng 'ungrateful', and she will ground me even further. I have nowhere to go for thms, and if I can get some help or adyuse, I'd really like to have sohe. 2 oreopocky РІ rTrueLegalAdviceWatch 2 mavqytgvry89 РІ rFireEmblemHeroes
kittykits 47yo Harpswell, Maine, United States